Biden: 'We Can Return To Normal When 3.5 Trillion Americans Have Been Vaccinated'

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During his booster shot ceremony Monday, President Biden was ordered to stop taking questions by a man holding a shepherd's crook just behind the curtain. But Biden disregarded the order and answered one question from a reporter who asked when we could get back to normal.

"We'll be back to normal when, heck, I don't know, third—three... three point... three point five million billiion trillion, uh, 3.5 trillion people are vaccinated," Biden said as the doctor leaned in to give him his booster shot. He suddenly appeared much more lucid. "Say, that's a great head of hair, lady. Herbal Essences Coconut Water and Jasmine? I'd know that scent anywhere. Introduced in their Spring Collection a few years back. What are you doing later? Want to come back to my basement? They bring me ice cream."

At publishing time, Jen Psaki had clarified that Biden actually said that we can get back to normal when N+1 people are vaccinated, where N is whatever the current population of the United States is at the time.

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