REHOBOTH, DE — President Biden awoke from a long Sunday afternoon nap and walked out to ask his family if he missed anything important while he was asleep.

"That COVID can really make a man sleep. Ha! Well, I'll be all set for the big rally on Tuesday. So, anything happen while I was out?" asked Biden. "Nothing? Geez, you guys sure are quiet."

According to sources, President Biden laid down for a nap early this afternoon shortly after aides asked if he could digitally sign a statement for "no particular reason." After a couple hours of sleep, Biden woke up well-rested, though he noted he had a slightly above-average number of missed calls on his phone. "That Hunter. Such a rascal!" said Biden. "I wonder why those aides were so intent on me signing that thing before my family came back? Oh, well."

At publishing time, President Biden had been assured that nothing of note happened while he was asleep and that he could have a big scoop of ice cream if he would sign just a few statements about Vice President Harris.

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