WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a speech today, Joe Biden unveiled a brand new program to force the rest of the country to get vaccinated, entitled "Your Body, My Choice."
"Listen folks, make mistake. Uh, make no mistake," said the President, reading carefully off the teleprompter. "I have complete control and sole authority over everything you do with your body, and everything you put in your body. I'm the government for God sakes! I have F-15s and nukes! Jus getha vashine! Jusdoit!"
Biden then walked out of the room to get a snack.
Many concerns remained around issues of freedom and natural immunity, but the President was already eating his applesauce with the crushed-up pills in it and was unable to answer questions.
Companies will be forced to comply with the mandate until the Supreme Court strikes it down in a few hours.