WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Joe Biden is determined to pass a large infrastructure bill, though no one had been certain what infrastructure is so direly needed that trillions must be spent until Biden finally revealed his plans: a giant tower that reaches the heavens.
“Yea, we are of one people,” Biden said, “with fifty votes in the Senate. And nothing will be restrained from us... as long as we get rid of the filibuster. And we have trillions for buying brick for stone -- or at least can have the Fed grant it to us. So let us build a tower whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be scattered abroad at the mid-term elections.”
And so Biden proposed the Tower of Biden, a $2 trillion dollar structure to be taller than any other and prove the government’s superiority at providing jobs by having people build things no one needs. Republicans are opposed to the plan, though, as they call it “wasteful spending” and an “affront to God.”
And there has been some concern that God will take offense. At one point, it even seemed that God had confused people’s language, as many of the people planning the tower started babbling incoherently. It turns out, though, that they were just directly quoting President Biden.