Politics
Biden Exceeds All Expectations By Staying Awake For Entire Debate

U.S.—Biden has been declared the clear winner of the debate after he exceeded all expectations by staying awake for the entire thing.

Numerous pundits and analysts confirmed that Biden came out of the debate looking strong for not collapsing and dying right in the middle of it.

"He really blew away all our expectations," said one source in the Biden campaign. "We knew those weeks and weeks of debate prep in the basement would pay off."

"Biden is straight-up presidential material," said a CNN analyst. "The Trump campaign has been pushing the false narrative that Biden is incapable of handling the demands of the presidency. Well, he stayed awake for a full 90 minutes up there. That's gotta count for something."

"He's truly the president we need right now."

Trump also exceeded all expectations by not throwing the podium at Biden.

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