WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a touching ceremony on the White House lawn today, President Biden congratulated the first black woman on the Supreme Court, Michelle Obama. 

"Look, folks, this is big, for real," said the leader of the free world to a half-eaten cheese sandwich he had taken with him to the podium for some reason. "It's about time our country had a clean, articulate black woman like Munchy Obladda - er, Michelle Obama on the Supreme court. Congratulations, Michee Obuu! You deserve it! Your husband Oback must be proud!" 

The crowd stood to their feet to applaud Ketanji Brown Jackson and laugh at Biden's hilarious joke. 

"You know folks, as I was walking 17,000 miles through the Himalayans with President Xi, he told me, 'Good job nominating a black female. Keep up the good work!'" said Biden. "I did that folks! The first black lady Macho Obweebwa! What a day for racial progress!" 

Biden then turned and wandered around for a while until his personal medical doctor Dr. Jill Biden led him back to his room.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.