OTTAWA, CANADA - The Biden administration has relocated all U.S. horseback border patrols from Del Rio to help the Canadian mounties beat up Freedom Convoy protestors. They hope that the strong show of force by whipping and lashing civilians will deter further protests.
"In an act of solidarity with our Canadian allies, I'm sending reinforcements armed with whips to deal with the dangerous freedom-loving Nazi protestors," said President Biden during his press conference. "We stand by our allies, and we support Justin Trudeau in his unwarranted, historic power grab against his own people. That's what we have to defend, folks."
President Biden continued, "Folks, it's not just truckers out there anymore, it's normal everyday people joining their ranks. And we can't have elderly women wielding lethal mobility scooters occupying our streets. We have to beat this uprising back into submission!"
Prior to their arrival, the Canadian Police were strongly outnumbered by unruly crowds spewing vitriol like "End The Mandates, Eh?" and "Please Grant Us Freedom!" The police feared that Ottawa was approaching dangerous levels of camaraderie and unity and that merely trampling civilians' faces may not be enough.
At publishing time, to further support Trudeau the President had authorized drone strikes against any Bouncy Castle or hot dog stand spotted in the streets of Ottawa.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
