WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump addressed concerns about the stock market Monday, ensuring the American people that the economy was stronger than ever while wearing a barrel for clothes.
"Our great big beautiful economy is about to get even bigger and more beautiful than ever," Trump said as he adjusted the wooden barrel around his body. "My innovative tariff plan is working!"
Trump spoke for approximately twenty minutes on the economy, describing it as a "strong engine made in America" that "will never, ever, collapse." To close out his speech, he reconfirmed his position that tariffs will make America rich again. He did not, however, respond to questions about his new wardrobe.
"I will not be taking questions about the barrel," said Trump.
Economists view Trump's choice of clothing as a potential sign the economy is not, in fact, stronger than ever and may be on the brink of total collapse. But not to worry, says Trump, as "this will be a boost to the wooden barrel industry."
At publishing time, after seeing Trump wearing a barrel for clothes, the market dropped another 40 points.
This freshman had a bright future ahead of her, but then her parents spent $250K to send her to a public university.
