CLEVELAND, OH — As a severe heatwave continues to rock the Midwest and Eastern United States, the nation's women have, one by one, begun to bravely transition from "absolutely freezing" to "pretty cold."
Experts have confirmed that adult human females all around America are slowly starting to shed the outermost layers of their 24 blankets around a base layer of eight sweatshirts in response to the now over-100-degree summer temperatures.
"It's starting to feel a little bit more bearable, but I'm still pretty chilly," said local woman Izzy Krabb as she shucked two parkas of the twelve she was currently wearing. "I'm not saying I'm warm yet, but the 103-degree weather is definitely a step in the right direction. Brrr!"
"O-o-okay, this is a lit-t-t-tle warmer," agreed Helena Roberts, who was enjoying the withering gaze of a 110-degree full sun as she fought to control chattering teeth beneath the seven winter coats she was wearing. "I g-g-guess I could-d-d-d take off one of these down jackets."
"I think I'll be okay without these mittens for a few minutes" another woman named Sarah Carew reportedly said, her voice slightly muffled by the three scarves she was wearing. "I'm still a little cold, though. Does anyone else want hot chocolate right now, or is it just me?"
At publishing time, America's ladies had changed their minds about feeling freezing and requested that everyone turn up the thermostats "just a few more degrees as it still feels a bit nippy out." Unfortunately, everyone else was suffering from heat stroke and was therefore unable to help.
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