ISRAEL — Archeologists have uncovered what they believe are the final remains of Sodom and Gomorrah's beloved Target store.
"You could still make out the display for tuck-friendly tunics," said Dr. Sally Mcneil. "It's clear these perverted rapists were massive Target fans."
According to the Israeli excavators, researchers began searching for a possible Target store after unearthing hundreds of pairs of yoga pants. "We knew we had to be close," said Dr. McNeil. "As soon as we found the sign saying 'Satan Respects Pronouns', we knew we'd found it. Our survey indicates the Sodomites had installed curbside pick-up to the south, and a gender mutilation station for children at the north entrance. It was really a very modern society, not so different from our own."
Further research at the dig site led researchers to believe the heavenly fire that burned up Sodom and Gomorrah may have struck the Target store first. "Everyone says Target smells nice, right up until the point sulfur begins raining from the sky," said team member Adrian Maldonado. "You can only walk around the child-abusing satanist products for so long without knowing that the Lord's wrath must be coming. This looks like it was ground zero. Greed, depravity and violence, all wrapped up with a nice bull's-eye on top for the Lord's fury."
At publishing time, Christians had begun nervously looking to the sky any time they drove too near a Target.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
