Archaeologists Unearth Paul The Apostle's Purity Ring
Politics

ROME—Archaelogists digging in Rome have discovered what may be the most important discovery ever discovered: Paul the Apostle's purity ring, thought to be worn from the time he became a Christian until his execution in Rome.

"We believe Paul the Apostle put on his True Love Waits ring the moment he got saved and wore it until his death," said biblical archaeologist Dr. Tim Earle. "This demonstrates that the hardcore purity movement in the 2000s was actually totally biblical, even though it's been mocked relentlessly by wishy-washy Christians in recent years."

Near the purity ring, workers at the dig site also found Paul's well-worn copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Every Man's Battle. They now believe Paul actually wrote Romans 7 when he was struggling with wanting to side-hug a cute girl at his house church.

"Paul truly was a model for us all."

Peter's purity ring has not yet been discovered, as scholars believe he hastily chucked his in the fire the moment he got married.

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