CUPERTINO, CA—Apple announced at a press conference today an exciting, innovative new feature that Google's Android platform won't get until five years ago.
The press cheered as the feature was unveiled, calling the technical feat that Android achieved over five years ago "a brilliant innovation that will change the industry for years to come" and "an unprecedented breakthrough that will literally change society as we know it."
"Wow!" said all the tech bloggers in the audience as Tim Cook unveiled the feature.
"Bow down and behold our latest creation," he said. "This feature is what you need. This feature is what you crave. You will literally die without it, and it's literally something that has never existed before this." He waved his hand over the crowd in a mystical fashion.
"I want this feature. I crave this feature. I will literally die without it, and it's literally something that has never existed before this," all the journalists mumbled in unison, their eyes glazed over and bits of spittle beginning to run down their chins.
Google isn't going to take this lying down though and has declared a new feature to trump Apple's feature. Tim Cook is looking into it and says Apple should be able to beat Google to market, releasing the feature just five years after Google does.