WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a powerful statement of democratic socialist love and compassion, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez paused to tell a homeless man how lucky he is not to have to pay rent to evil landlords while walking to her swanky D.C. apartment this afternoon.
"Hey, lady, can I get some change?" the man asked, shaking his little tin can.
"OK, first of all, like, lady? What is this, 2019?" she snapped back. But, being moved by the pitiful sight of the man, Ocasio-Cortez decided to stop and help the best way she knew how: by lecturing him on how fortunate he is not to have to pay rent to evil landlords.
"I really, really envy you," she said. "I mean, I'm a socialist. I envy everybody. But seriously, like, you don't have to deal with evil landlords and pay rent to them. Forcing people to pay rent and eviciting them if they fail to do so is literally, like, systemic racism and classism and a few other isms that I can't remember right now. Hmmm. What were they?"
The homeless man shrugged uncomfortably as Ocasio-Cortez concentrated hard.
"Sexism! That's the one. Anyway, you're just, like, so lucky."
Ocasio-Cortez then noticed that the man had a quarter with the well-known Nazi eagle symbol on it, so she stole it from him and threw it into a nearby storm drain inlet. "You're welcome," she said as she hailed an Uber on her smartphone to get back to her luxury digs.