World
Americans Rejoice As News Finally Not All About Trump

U.S.—The long national nightmare of every single day being dominated by news about Donald Trump has finally come to an end, as the top news story for the past week has been about a pandemic threatening lives and the economy.

“This is such a nice change of pace,” said Dwayne Hughes, an electrician. “I just got sick and tired of the news being, ‘Hey! Here’s what Trump just tweeted!’ And now the news is all about what major thing closed or got canceled today. It’s way different.”

Claudia Davis, a baker, agreed. “Every day it was just them bleating some nonsense about how Trump is going to kill millions with tax cuts or ending net neutrality. And now millions could actually die, but Trump isn’t at the center of it.”

The news coverage of the coronavirus has taken a turn for the worse, though, as constant news reports of Trump’s reaction to coronavirus have begun to spread and could infect all news coverage by the end of the week.

Breaking: PayPal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.