ANCHORAGE, AK — In what some pundits are calling a cheap and dirty political trick, Alaska Democrats have been caught busing in thousands of Dan Sullivans from around the country right before the midterm elections in Alaska.
The ploy by Democrats seems to be aimed at sowing confusion among voters right before the midterm election, which will decide who gets the U.S. Senate seat between Republican incumbent Dan Sullivan and Democratic challenger Mary Peltola. With so many Dan Sullivans in Alaska now, things are getting very chaotic.
"Dan Sullivan is running for Senate? But wait... I'm Dan Sullivan!" said Dan Sullivan. "I don't know anything about being a senator. Don't vote for me!"
Local leaders are warning that the massive influx of Dan Sullivans is putting a strain on resources such as food, housing, and energy right before the election. The strain has led to a backlash against the thousands of Dan Sullivans.
"I'm sick of all the new Dans," complained bar owner Dan Sullivan. "We've got to put a stop to Dan Sullivan. Well, not me. I'm fine. But all the rest have to go. They're jerks, I tell you."
At publishing time, Alaska state officials had considered renaming the state to "Sullivan" after the Sullivans had completely taken over everything in the state, outnumbering everyone not surnamed Sullivan 2:1.
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