Politics
Aides Forced To Cut Mitch McConnell Out Of Six-Pack Of Plastic Rings Again

WASHINGTON, D.C.—While taking a short recess after confirming his 1,274th judge of the morning, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell found himself ensnared in plastic rings discarded from a six-pack of soda.

"Shhh, little guy, it's OK -- we're just trying to help," whispered an aide as she tried to cut McConnell out of the trash from a six-pack of soda. The frightened senator tried to withdraw his head into his suit jacket, but it just got stuck even worse. He panicked and flipped on his back, where he was completely helpless and immobile.

Finally, aides were able to free him, and he went on to confirm another 3,877 judges.

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