KATONAH, NY — As the geopolitical landscape continued to prepare for a changing of the guard, aging billionaire powerbroker George Soros expressed hope that he could ruin just one more country before the end.
According to sources close to the 95-year-old political puppetmaster, he has been keenly aware in recent months that he is nearing the end of his life and held out hope that he would have the chance to topple at least one more government in whatever time he has left.
"I've still got one more left in me," Soros reportedly told his inner circle. "I've had a good, long run. That pact I made with the Prince of Darkness was especially fruitful in buying me an additional 20 years. But it seems that the sun may finally be setting on my time here. I've passed on all my knowledge to my son, Alex, but I do sit and yearn for one more opportunity to economically cripple, destabilize, and destroy an entire country for old time's sake."
Those closest to Soros said his longing has been more pronounced in the last year. "All things come to an end at some point, even for infernal lords of evil," said one insider. "I think even he had started to buy into the idea that he could live forever, even if he had to transfer his consciousness into other host bodies, but our team of secret evil scientists hasn't finished testing the technology yet. He feels like his time is short, so he wishes he could display his power by capriciously destroying just one more nation. It's kind of sweet."
At publishing time, Soros had reportedly bought up large amounts of currency on the money markets in a last-ditch effort to wipe out Canada.
Minnesota is the place to be!
