U.S. — One of America's oldest and most widely used social media platforms experienced a sudden surge of use today, as after losing access to TikTok, zoomers across the country frantically contacted their grandparents to ask them how to use Facebook.
Younger Americans had reportedly scrambled to speak to their elders to learn more about this strange and archaic form of social media and communication that they had only heard stories about while growing up and was now used exclusively by people who were very old and out of touch with anything modern.
"I've heard Nana and Papa talk about this, but what is it and how does it work?" Gen Z-er Kayden Campbell said. "The government banned TikTok because they said it was sus, but we need something else to use while we're online that can keep us from developing social skills in real life. I remembered my grandparents using something on their desktop computers to communicate with friends… Facebreak? Feltbook? I don't remember the name, but they said it was really popular. Like, back in the old days, I guess."
Witnesses reported seeing Kayden's grandparents explain how to use the ancient social media app known as Facebook. "Things were a lot different back in my day," Ralph Campbell told his grandchildren. "Back then, you would ‘friend' people and add them to your list. And you could ‘post' things on your ‘wall.' You could ‘poke' your friends and even type them messages."
"Wow, you mean you have to type to use this?" Kayden reportedly complained.
At publishing time, American boomers were said to be searching to migrate to MySpace to get away from all the Zoomers invading Facebook.
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