KANSAS CITY, MO — With back-to-back losses following last night's disappointing defeat at the hands of the Buffalo Bills, the Kansas City Chiefs have made a roster move, opting to swap out Taylor Swift for Selena Gomez.
"We just felt it was time to make a change," said Chiefs Head Coach Andy Reid. "We still feel Taylor is a nice girl and she's a strong contributor, and we appreciate everything she's done to help the team, but this league is about results. We think it's time to get someone else in there to see what they can do. We're happy to have Selena."
After taking the league by storm and helping the defending Super Bowl champions get off to a strong start, Taylor Swift had been unable to maintain momentum for the team. "She's been such a huge part of the team this year," said quarterback Patrick Mahomes. "We're all disappointed with the way things have gone lately, but it's still sad to see her go. It's been great to have her on board, but at the same time, this is a business. When the team struggles, someone has to take the blame."
At publishing time, though Swift and her representatives were unavailable for comment, Selena Gomez released a statement addressing the situation. "I'm happy to join the team," Gomez said. "I'm willing to help out in any way I can. I know my role on the team, and I'm ready to achieve big things. I've already made sure TMZ is aware of where I'll be going out with Travis tonight."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
