A New Record: Husband Completes Home Improvement Project In Only 83 Trips To Hardware Store
Life · Jan 10, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

McCOOL JUNCTION, NE - The Guinness World Records confirmed on Monday that local man, Jeremy Humdrum, has set a new record for the least amount of trips by a husband to Home Depot for a single project.

Sources say the project was to replace three outlets in a kitchen. Humdrum had compiled a list of materials he would need, but every time he came back from Home Depot he found himself missing just one more crucial component. "One time I accidentally bought light switches instead of outlets," he laughed. "But I pulled it off in the end!"

Friends and family of Jeremy gathered to watch as he ascended to "legendary" status before their eyes. The DIY project was completed 9 hours after it had begun and the house erupted in cheers and applause. Friends shook beer bottles and sprayed the contents all over Jeremy in celebration.

Jeremy's wife, Tracy Humdrum, had a different view of the event. "I kept telling him that if he ordered ahead through the website he would only have to make one trip," she said, rolling her eyes. "But he kept saying he had to be able to browse."

Daryl Philman, an adjudicator for Guinness World Records, followed the handy husband around all day to verify the record. "I've been out on similar record-breaking attempts," he said. "It was really hard to bite my tongue when Mr. Humdrum only bought panel covers instead of the full outlet, but my silence was the only way to maintain the integrity of the record."

The kitchen now has three brand new GFCI outlets and thirty items that were never used. The adjudicator will be staying on for a couple of days to see if Jeremy can beat another world record: most time bragging about a DIY project in a 24 hour period.

It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

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