If you're cruising the pews for a husband or wife, there are some helpful tricks to spotting a great future spouse. Here are nine things to look for at Church this Sunday:
Has a worn Bible - Excuse me, but I believe your holiness is showing.
Sings all the words to classic hymns even with eyes closed - Hubba-hubba!
Volunteers for VBS - Is it getting hot in here? It feels hot all of a sudden.
Rolls eyes when worship leader starts playing Hillsong - Yowza!
Turns to book of Hezekiah without even looking at the table of contents - Be still, my beating heart.
WWJD bracelet - like a beacon saying, "come, enjoy fifty years of wedded bliss."
Sighs dreamily and says, "if only I could find a godly spouse to raise many children with." - GO GET A RING!!
Has completed Awana vest - the foundation on which so many years of happy marriage are built.
Says, "Hey, check out this funny Babylon Bee headline." - This is the one!!
Find these at Church next week and a lifetime of loving matrimony could be all yours!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
