10 Things You Should Boycott To Protest Russia
World ยท Mar 3, 2022

As Putin's wicked forces of darkness bear down on the peaceful utopia of Ukraine, you may be asking yourself: "What can I do to help?" Fortunately, there are things we ALL can do to express our extreme displeasure with Putin that will surely have a powerful effect somehow! Do your part, citizen!

Here are ten things you can boycott to protest Russia:

1) Your Russian mail order bride: You may have said your vows, but she'll definitely understand when you tell her it's important to the war effort!

2) The Russian mob when hiring hitmen: You have plenty of other options, like the notorious Mexican cartel MS13 or Hillary Clinton.

3) Communism: Really, you should have done this long ago.

4) All your Beef Stroganoff Hamburger Helper: Replace it with all-American Cheeseburger Macaroni flavor. Take that, Ruskies!

5) Russian actors: Watch a bunch of 80's movies, but fast-forward every time a Russian is on the screen. Do not give them the honor of screentime!

6) That one Russian dance where your squat and kick your legs out and shout "hey": We forget what this dance is called. But stop doing it. Now.

7) Use the term "hurryin'" instead of "rushin'": These small sacrifices really add up.

8) Buy ten million Adidas tracksuits so there won't be any leftover for Russians to buy: Actually, this might hurt the Ukrainians too, so never mind.

9) Your vacation home in Moscow: (Bernie Sanders only)

10) Your big red fake reset button: Throw it in the trash. (Hillary Clinton only)

Whatever you do, it's important to remember to always join in whenever everyone's caught up in a mass shared hatred of an entire people group. It's your patriotic duty!


Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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