The Boston Tea Party was a totally based political protest that took place on December 16, 1773 as a way of speaking out against taxation without representation — but let's face it — the tea got the raw end of that deal. We enjoy a good tea every now and then!
Here's what we should have dumped in Boston Harbor instead:
- Earl Grey the person, not the tea: That guy was the worst.
- Those smutty Canterbury Tales: Believe it or not, this trash is still available in school libraries.
- Fries that are called "chips" and cookies that are called "biscuits": You are the author of confusion, King George!
- The extra "U" the British keep sticking into words: What the heck is a "colour?" Are you having a stroke?
- Aristocratic titles: If you like nobility and sophistication so much, get some Kardashians!
- That evil guy from The Patriot: If he was thrown into the harbor Heath Ledger would still be alive today.
- Inferior British knockoffs of great original American products: Like The Office and the English language.
- Prince Harry: Don't tread on me, you fop!
And that's it, patriots. If all these things were cast into the sea the world would be a much brighter — and less British — place. USA! USA! USA!
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Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.