The 2024 Summer Olympics are here, and this time they're in France! But this isn't your grandma's Olympics. Eight exciting new events are here to challenge athletes from across the globe, and The Babylon Bee has the exclusive details.
Here is the complete list of new events for the 2024 Summer Olympic Games:
Synchronized Surrendering: A beautiful French tradition going back millennia.
Women's armpit hair growing: Gross.
Shotput the homo off the roof: France's new migrant population has them in real position to challenge Iran.
Freestyle losing to Hitler and waiting for America to save us: France once again the heavy favorite.
100-meter Jew chasing: A lot like the 100m dash, but with the added element of chasing down Jews.
Downhill luge away from the suicide bomber: Motivating.
Team not showering: Why, France?
Cross country being obnoxious and pretending like you don't understand English: Might as well give France the gold right now.
Which event is your favorite? Any suggestions for others? Let us know!
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions