WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of the Los Angeles Dodgers actively opposing the deportation of illegal immigrants, President Trump announced today that he will begin deporting one illegal for every run the Dodgers score.
"Alright Dodgers, you're in charge now. Just remember: you cross home plate, there goes Julio back to Venezuela," said Trump. "You want to protect them so much -- well, now you can. The choice is yours, boys."
The Dodgers recently refused to allow federal agents to park in the stadium parking lot, then subsequently released messages on social media announcing that the team would fight the Trump administration's efforts to deport illegal immigrants in Los Angeles. "The Dodgers organization will never allow any of its facilities to be used by federal agents to track down criminals. Besides, those satanic nuns had already reserved it," explained Dodgers President Stan Kasten. "Trump's response by allowing us to control the number of deportations by limiting how many runs we score is simply cruel. Our livelihood should not be affected by illegal immigrants."
At publishing time, Trump had announced he would also begin deporting one illegal for every time a Dodger pitcher beaned Fernando Tatis Jr.
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