TULSA, OK — The security line ground to a halt this morning at the Tulsa International Airport as it took 42 minutes for a local dad to empty his cargo pants.
Rolling eight pockets deep and packed to the gills, the contents of Brent Stocker's cargo pants required an incredible seventeen bins to properly scan, with TSA agents forced to find an oversized bin for the fishing pole produced from his right Velcro pocket.
"Are you sure you want me to empty the pockets on these bad boys?" said Stocker, a grin creeping up the side of his mouth.
Stocker's wife and daughters hung their heads in shame as he began going pocket by pocket, producing the most unexpected objects. "Honest to goodness, I saw him pull a laptop out of a pocket," said bystander Willis Hamilton. "There were flashlights, screwdrivers, gloves, a water purifier. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen."
Dozens of people missed their flights due to the ensuing quagmire, with security agents later admitting that they were woefully unprepared for cargo pants. "Those agents got more than they bargained for," said fellow traveler Lacy Gorman. "We watched our plane leave about the time he got to pocket number six. We never stood a chance."
At publishing time, Stocker had just finished repacking his cargo pants when a TSA agent approached and announced that they were going to need to perform a pat-down.
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