News broke today that the United States and Iran have finally agreed to the a peace deal, and our investigative team here at The Babylon Bee has managed to secure a leaked copy. Here, presented for the first time anywhere, are the terms each side has committed to:
Iran will reopen the Strait of Hormuz in exchange for the Ayatollah getting a signed poster of that muscly Jack Reacher actor: Hubba-hubba!
Trained pet dog from Israel for every Iranian man: Not sure why they want this, but okay.
Iran will get rid of its enriched uranium by putting it into a bomb and dropping it on Israel: Problem solved.
Tucker Carlson will be permanently relocated to Tehran: It's what we call a "win-win-win."
The Middle East will get together to come up with a shorter name for the "United Arab Emirates": What a mouthful.
The U.S. will unfreeze Iranian assets in exchange for pinky promise that the money won't be given to terrorists: Score!
Iran will be officially renamed "The Islamic Republic Of Trump Lovers": It's got a ring to it.
Someone will finally go explain to Alan Jackson the difference between Iraq and Iran: Way overdue.
While the two countries work out when and where to sign off, we can rest easy knowing this amazing deal is in place.
Behold! Woke Jesus is teaching when the Pharisees bring to him a woman caught in adultery. Listen and learn from this cherished Bible story about how Woke Jesus turned to intersectionality.
