Brought to you by: The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy
The midterm elections are fast approaching, which leaves only a few weeks for Republicans to do what they do best: screw it up!
Here are 12 ways Republicans plan to completely erase their lead in the midterms.
- Get caught wearing masks: This is worse than getting caught punching a baby.
- Forget to dunk on Hillary Clinton: The future of our republic depends on Hillary Clinton being dunked on. Do your duty, Republicans!
- Fail to post one of those family pictures where every child is armed to the teeth: Thomas Massie is safe.
- Proudly announce they are the second coming of Mitch McConnell: It's not the flex you think it is.
- Try to make their own memes: STOP IT!
- Putting pronouns in their bios: Certain death for your political career as well as your soul.
- Tweet that they just watched The Rings of Power and it's MAGNIFICENT: No. It is not magnificent, you Philistine.
- Reach across the aisle to work with Democrats: A sure sign you're a commie traitor!
- Text people 73 times per day asking for donations before the midnight deadline when the world will end: ONLY 30 MINUTES REMAINING TO STOP NANCY PELOSI!!!!!
- Support red flag laws and enrich themselves with insider trading: We've got our "eye" on you, Republicans.
- Keep talking about Trump and forget about Afghanistan, the supply chain, inflation, censorship, child mutilation, pregnancy center attacks, and the border crisis: Or, just talk about Trump. You do you.
- Just do what they're already doing: You got this, Republicans.
OUR DEMOCRACY IS IN PERIL, and the only way to save it is to be informed! That's why the democracy experts at the Babylon Bee have written the definitive guide to our political system.
In our definitive guide, you will learn:
- How to rig elections
- How to bribe politicians
- How to destroy your political opponents online
- How the Constitution protects your right to own an F-15
- How Big Tech companies rule the world from their evil lairs
- How to conduct an insurrection
- Why America is NOT REALLY a democracy
Laugh along with us as we explore the worst political system on earth--except for all the others!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.