Trump, as we all know, is an existential threat to democracy itself! If we don't destroy him, the unparalleled peace and prosperity Biden brought to America will be over for good! Oh no!
There's still time to stop Trump before it's too late. Here are 10 schemes that just might do it this time:
- 3rd impeachment: It's bound to work the third time!
- Bribe Melania to reveal the source of his strength: It's gotta be his hair.
- Put a Big Mac right underneath a dangling piano: Hillary Clinton has reportedly used this method successfully 3 times before.
- Become a porn star, have an affair with him, and get him to pay you hush money through a shady arrangement: Wait--have we done this one already? Never mind.
- Outlaw tanning beds and then nuke the Sun like in The Matrix so he can't have such a glorious tan: His supporters will abandon him by the thousands, probably.
- Raid Mar-A-Lago: Crap, we already did that one too.
- Send him on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney: Diabolical!
- Start WWIII and hope one of the Russian bombs hits Mar-A-Lago: The current administration is currently looking into this one.
- Catch him in the act of drinking Bud Light: Political suicide!
- Destroy democracy itself: You see, if a democracy elects Trump then we have to destroy democracy to save democracy. It's complicated.
NOT SATIRE: Do you know what the Jan 6th detainees do every night from the confines of their jail cells? They sing the national anthem. And have done it for more than 700 straight nights!
Click here to listen now and support them >>
The released videos showed Jan 6 was used to arrest many Trump supporters. Their innocence didn't stop the DOJ from going after them, like Alvin Bragg going after President Trump.
I launched the Kash Foundation to offer legal help to America First families like the ones from the Jan 6th witch hunts. I know what it's like because I was targeted by the DOJ when I led the Russiagate investigation for the House Committee and uncovered that the FBI was actively trying to sabotage President Trump.
Will you be one of the 1,000 patriots brave enough to fight for some of the Jan 6th detainees and their families? You can show your support by donating $10, $25, $50, or even $100 today.
Kash Patel
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.