Brought to you by: Seed Oil Scout
Incoming Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has voiced strong opposition to seed oils. Can he get them out of our food? Not if the seed oil lobby has anything to say about it.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of ways the devils of the seed oil industry are already trying to sabotage RFK Jr.:
Spread soybean oil on the stairs outside his office: It would be a shame if he took a nasty fall.
Sneak into the locker room to replace his beef tallow deodorant with Limburger cheese: Just one whiff and he'll get the message loud and clear.
Introduce more brain worms to his raw milk: If he can't be reasoned with, just give the parasites time to devour his brain.
Send the top-secret Nabisco Assassin Squad after him: Never heard of them? Exactly.
Redefine seed oils as essential oils: RFK Jr. will be powerless against the midwestern white women and their multilevel marketing schemes.
Speak in a louder voice every time he talks about seed oils: No one will be able to hear what he's saying.
Lace his food with red dye 3: Instant death.
Offer him $50 million and a lifetime appointment as the Seed Oil King: No one would ever turn down being Seed Oil King.
Tell him he can have access to all the bear carcasses he wants if he shuts up: Everyone knows RFK Jr. can't resist a good bear carcass.
Do the same thing the government always does with troublesome Kennedys: If there's one thing the government specializes in, it's getting rid of some Kennedys. Watch your back, Bobby.
We can't believe how devious those tricksy seed oil sellers can be. RFK, Jr. better watch his back.
NOT SATIRE: RFK Jr. has been talking up beef tallow and warning against the use of seed oils in food. If you're looking to find out what the fuss is about, download Seed Oil Scout. Seed Oil Scout is a map of restaurant cooking oils and ingredients pointing you toward natural fats like beef tallow and grass-fed butter — and away from those using toxic seed oils.
The American dream is back on the menu! 🫡
FIND TALLOW FRIES ON SEED OIL SCOUT
Trump is cleaning house, and with Kash Patel as the presumptive head of the FBI, that department is no exception.