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Donald Trump has won re-election, starting the world's eventual descent into darkness, destruction, and despair. With the annihilation of the world as we know it now imminent, many people are wondering how the end will come.
The Babylon Bee conducted extensive research to come up with the following list of the most likely ways Trump will destroy the world:
Deporting all the illegal immigrants to Mexico, throwing the planet off-balance, resulting in a wobble that would cause the Earth to break out of its orbit around the sun and hurtle through the dark void of space: Simple science.
Ending the Department of Education, which experts say is the only thing sustaining human life on Earth: We won't know for sure until it happens because the experts were educated under the Department of Education.
COVID-25 will break out, and Donald Trump won't make everyone mask and social distance: Billions and billions will die.
Enacting tax cuts that will make it so everyone has more money to buy cheeseburgers, causing every human being in the world to die from heart disease: So much for making America healthy again.
Forcing all women to log their monthly periods on a government website: This will cause all cycles to synchronize, leading to hormonal women wiping out all life on the planet.
Issuing drilling permits that will instantly cause sea levels to rise 5,000 feet and drown everyone: Sadly, Al Gore was right.
Barron Trump will grow to 1,000 feet tall, eventually devouring the Earth for sustenance: A body that size requires an astronomical number of calories.
Pardoning himself upon assuming office, creating a full-blown constitutional crisis that will cause a patriotic paradox, leading to the nation being erased from existence: It's like Back to the Future, but with politics.
Insulting extraterrestrial life with a mean tweet: Remember what the Death Star did to Alderaan? That was nothing compared to what the aliens will do. And it's all thanks to Trump.
He'll invade Poland, leading to the outbreak of a world war, culminating in the destruction of civilization: He's literally Hitler, remember?
Things aren't looking good, folks. But if you had to choose a scenario for the end of the world, which would you prefer? Let us know in the comments.
NOT SATIRE: The Babylon Bee Guide to the Apocalypse is available now!
THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH. BUY IT TODAY, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
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