The public school system is a minefield for kids these days. While most public schoolteachers are verified, card-carrying leftist indoctrinators, there are a few remaining evangelical Christian operating in the shadows. Fortunately, there are some signals you can look for to help you identify whether or not your child's teacher may even, in fact, be (gasp) a Christian.
The Babylon Bee is here to help with a list of signs to watch out for to protect your child from potentially being brainwashed by a Bible-believing teacher.
- She doesn't teach about gay sex during math: A clear warning sign that she's a bigot.
- She doesn't hiss and recoil in terror when you carry a Bible into class: If she doesn't scurry away like a cockroach when the lights are turned on, you should be worried.
- She has young children who have not changed their genders: If her kids aren't trans, she not an ally. Not good!
- She swoons audibly when she sees your child's Kirk Cameron trapper keeper: Why not just come out and profess your love for Hitler while you're at it?
- She treats every kid in class the same, regardless of their skin color: The white kids don't have to sit in the corner? Unconscionable.
- She makes it through the first week of school without placing a Wiccan curse on Donald Trump: Any teacher who doesn't wish death upon Trump should be reported.
- Whenever Aiden starts doing his thing, she closes her eyes and starts quietly singing "Waymaker" to herself: Doesn't she know there are Pfizer-approved medications for stress?
- She does not require all students to salute the Pride flag: And she doesn't even have a BLM flag. Disgusting.
- She skips over the part of the science textbook that says Earth is millions of years old: Do we have a full-blown science denier on our hands?
- She still has her natural hair color and it's long: Yikes.
If you see any of the signs listed above, you should run for your life from this potential Christian teacher!
NOT SATIRE: Empower your faith and make a bold statement this Bring Your Bible to School Day! On the first Thursday of October, students across the nation come together to celebrate their right to express their belief in a powerful way. Unite with fellow believers and share the joy of knowing Christ in your classrooms and hallways.
Discover the magic of the Bible's timeless wisdom and let its words guide your conversations, ignite your imagination, and inspire you towards a path of knowledge and compassion.
Together, let's illuminate our schools with the radiance of the Bible's teachings. Don't forget - mark your calendar and bring your Bible to school!
This is your day to shine. Share the Word. Inspire the World. #BringYourBible
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.