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Everyone is looking for ways to slow the aging process these days, but does anything actually work? A few simple tips and tricks can go a long way.
The Babylon Bee is here to help women everywhere with the following list of secrets to looking and feeling younger:
Wear one of those multi-colored beanies with a propeller on the top: It always worked for kids in old-timey cartoons.
Tell everyone you're actually 98 years old, so everyone will think you look young for your age: Then be prepared to tell some WWII stories.
Sacrifice a virgin by the light of the full moon: This one can be tricky to pull off, but it's been a go-to for thousands of years.
Become fluent in Gen Alpha slang: You'll sound like a brain-damaged lemur, but you'll fit in with the young crowd.
Replace your bathroom mirror with a poster of Sydney Sweeney: You won't see any of your flaws anymore.
Get smoother skin by massaging your face with an angle grinder: A bit painful, but totally worth it.
Practice intermittent fasting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: It'll have great health benefits for the few remaining weeks of your life.
Hang out at a nursing home with a bunch of really, really old people: You'll feel like a kid again.
Wear your hair in pigtails: Nobody who is old wears pigtails.
Kidnap a princess whose hair was endowed with magic healing powers and keep her in a tower: It won't end well for you, but you'll look young in the meantime.
Following the tips listed above will have you looking and feeling younger in no time, but be aware that some of them may result in the eternal damnation of your soul. What are other ways to look younger? Post your suggestions in the comments below.
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