By now, everyone has heard about the horrifying dangers of consuming seed oils. But in addition to chronic inflammation, increased risk of heart disease, and other serious issues, what are some of the other common side effects?
The Babylon Bee is here to basically save your life by warning you of the following dangers of seed oil consumption:
- Gayness: Consuming seed oils increases your chances of gay by over 300%. It's science.
- Hair as greasy as Gavin Newsom's: All that oil has to go somewhere.
- Desire to worship false idols: If it weren't for those Egyptian seed oils, the children of Israel would never have made that golden calf.
- Believing everything you see on the news: What else could make someone that dumb?
- Becoming a superfan of Disney's Star Wars: You really should be treating yourself better than this.
- Mumbling incoherently when giving speeches: How do you think Joe Biden ended up the way he is?
- Thinking Jon Stewart is funny: You know someone chows down on seed oils when they start laughing at The Daily Show.
- Growing a tiny seed oil tree in your stomach: What does one of those look like? You don't want to find out.
- Getting along really well with your wife's boyfriend: Odds are he doesn't eat any seed oils.
- Death: Potentially the worst one on the list, though the gayness one is pretty bad.
The list above should make it painfully clear that seed oils are not fit for human consumption. Stay clear!
NOT SATIRE: Today, 30% of American calories come from industrially refined seed oils, full of omega-6 fats scientifically proven to cause inflammation, obesity, and bowel disease.
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World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.