Dating is hard, but Christian dating is harder. Not only do you have to find a fun, attractive mate that you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with, you have to make sure your potential spouse is a hardcore Proverbs 31 girl, or a real Ephesians 5 man. Sure, not all of us are going to be able to find a debt-free virgin without tattoos, but you definitely want a man or woman of God.
Luckily, there are a whole bunch of red flags you can keep an eye out for. Look for these warning signs that your potential soulmate isn’t quite what he or she seems:
- They have a lower-back tattoo of Max Lucado’s face. Tattoos alone are a big enough turnoff. But if they have Lucado’s mug in a typical tattoo green down on their lower back, it’s time to run away and not look back.
- They haven’t completed Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. If they’ve merely dabbled in Ramsey’s material but haven’t gone completely DEBT-FREE, including cutting up their credit cards with a giant pair of scissors, it’s time to have a DTR.
- They own more than five secular albums. Everyone’s allowed a few non-Christian records, just for the outreach opportunities they afford. But if they’re always popping on some T-Swift or Bruno Mars, run away from that foul tempter like Joseph did.
- They enjoyed The Last Jedi. If they refuse to call this film anything but the death of the Star Wars franchise, blow up that relationship like Alderaan.
- You walk in on them casting a magic spell in order to open a Hellmouth that might destroy our plane of existence. This might be a hint that she’s not the one for you.
- No purity ring? No deal. This should go without saying, but if your future husband or wife doesn’t have an official purity ring from LifeWay Christian Stores, they’re not a pure follower of Christ. It’s a tradition that goes back 6,000 years.
- On the very first date, they go way too far with a full-frontal hug. Whoa, time to pump the brakes!
- They don’t affirm the full seven points of Calvinism. You simply can’t be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, and not affirming all seven points of Calvinism is maybe the greatest heresy of them all.
- They’re unable or unwilling to provide their full transcripts showing they were homeschooled all the way through high school. This is a reasonable request, so if they won’t oblige, they’re probably hiding the fact that they spent a year or two in—gasp!—public school. You simply don’t want to get into a relationship with someone who’s obviously damaged goods.
- They have a sin nature. If the person you’re going on a date with is revealed to have a fallen sin nature, open the door and tuck and roll right out of the car. Some of their sin is probably already rubbing off on you!
Now get out there and court like you’ve never courted before!