Are you a pastor's kid? If you grew up with a father in the ministry, you may be entitled to financial compensat…just kidding! While being a pastor's kid may not always be a bed of roses, there are so many hidden benefits that ordinary layman kids just never get to experience.
We at the Babylon Bee have spent countless hours interviewing pastors' kids to find out just how big a blessing it can be. Here are the top ten benefits of being a pastor's kid — check them out!
You get to pick one thing out of the offering plate every year for your birthday: Sometimes you'll even find a whole $5 bill.
You can play Halo with your friends on the sanctuary projector: It's an important ministry.
You get unlimited access to all the "McGee and Me!" Videotapes in the church library: And VeggieTales and Bibleman and Superbook…
You know all the blanks in the sermon note handouts ahead of time: It's like a real-life superpower.
Everyone in the church, your neighborhood, your school, and the greater tri-state area knows who you are and will gladly report your every minor indiscretion to your parents: It's a real blessing to have so many people watching your back.
You get to pick the witty saying on the church sign: It's the comedy opportunity every kid dreams of.
You can impress all the girls at youth group by using words like "consubstantiation" and "infralapsarianism": You'll be more sought after than Boaz before you can blink.
You're automatically more righteous than the other kids: Ah, yes, that sweet, sweet doctrine of justification-by-being-a-pastor's-kid alone.
You can tell the difference between Folger's and Maxwell House blindfolded: You'll also be an expert at splitting stale doughnuts into eighths.
Your chances of becoming a pastor or an atheist crackhead are 50/50: Who else gets odds like that?
Well, there you have it. Don't you wish you were a pastor's kid now?
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