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Human history is replete with dying, death, and deadly days. At times, it seems like all of human civilization has been marked by tragedy and bloodshed.
But there is one deadly day that overshadows all the other deadly days with its dread shadow of doom: January 6, the most deadliest day in human history. To prove our point, we at the Babylon Bee have compiled a list of 10 days which were deadly — but still not as deadly — as the dark day when democracy literally died multiple times.
Pearl Harbor: How dare you even compare the horrors of Jan. 6 to something like Pearl Harbor?
9/11: The Jan. 6ers were definitely all Christians, which means that they are more evil than the 9/11 attackers.
The destruction of Alderaan: Millions of voices crying out in terror was nothing compared to the day our democracy cried out in terror.
The curb-stomp of a defeat at Cannae where Hannibal handed the Roman soldiers their terga on a silver platter after that blind idiot Varro doubled up his troop lines instead of watching his flanks like he should have: Brutal, but not as brutal as the rabid protestors who walked through the Capitol without touching anything.
Noah's Flood: Almost as terrible as seeing the Capitol of Democracy flooded with rabid Trump supporters, but not quite.
The Eruption of Mt. Vesuvius: It only destroyed Pompeii. Jan. 6 destroyed America. Which is worse?
That time Thanos wiped out half of humanity even though it was actually a good thing: Jan. 6 wiped out the whole of Democracy. And it was a bad thing.
Bubonic Plague Outbreak in Europe: Jan. 6 was worse than the Black Death because it poisoned Democracy (TM).
The meteor impact that made the dinosaurs extinct: Which is worse: extinction of some lousy old dinosaurs or extinction of Democracy?
The election of Donald Trump: This is at least the 2nd most deadly day in history.
We hope that you have a better perspective now on just how bad the Jan. 6 riots were.
NOT SATIRE: We finally did it. We made a movie. And it's glorious.
We've been your trusted source of fake news for years. You've laughed at our headlines. You've shared our viral videos. A handful of you have listened to our podcast. But now, for the first time ever, we've written and produced a full-length mockumentary.
January 6: The Most Deadliest Day is a groundbreaking, soon-to-be Academy Award-winning film that exposes what really happened on that fateful day.
Coming soon to Babylon Bee subscribers on October 11, 2024.
Watch the trailer here:
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions