TROY — After suffering from a deluge of warrior-filled wooden horses entering the city and wreaking havoc, death, and destruction, the ruling conservative party of Troy has boldly passed a border protection law limiting the entrance of wooden horses to only 5,000 a day.

Troy's citizens fell prostrate to the ground in grateful reverie and thanked Apollo that their elected officials had finally taken action to put an end to the illegal invasion.

"Our constituents spoke, and we listened," said Troypublican leader Mitchilles McConnellus as a meager 5,000 giant wooden horses filled with bloodthirsty Greek soldiers were dragged through the city's gates. "The people of Troy can now sleep safe and — URKK!"

After a Mycenaean poison-tipped arrow flew from the eye of one wooden horse and killed McConnellus, right-wing conspiracy theorists began spreading vicious rumors throughout the city claiming 5,000 wooden horses per day might just be too many. Some individuals deemed delusional even suggested Troy ban all enemy-filled wooden horses.

At publishing time, the mayor of Troy had granted citizenship and voting rights to all wooden horses within the city's borders.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.