U.S. — According to sources, several sightings of an Osama Bin Laden poster in the style of the classic Obama "HOPE" poster have been reported at universities across America.
"My education has helped me learn Osama Bin Laden was simply a misunderstood activist full of wit and wisdom," said Harvard student Cherish Burgundy while getting ready for her morning classes. "Now, I start every day with a quick avocado toast, a blunt, and a short moment of silence in front of my Osama Bin Laden 'Hope' poster."
Burgundy's morning ritual is just one example of many enlightened students across America's universities getting to know the thoughtful prose of austere scholar Osama Bin Laden. Young college students throughout the country are plastering Bin Laden posters everywhere and voicing their admiration for the kindly old sage on the social media app TikTok.
"Wow, Bin Laden hated capitalism, I hate capitalism. Bin Laden loved Muslims, I love Muslims!" said Burgundy on a recent TikTok post during a candle-lit reading of the terrorist-turned-genteel philosopher's call for all Muslims to kill Americans — both civilian and military. "It's like we're on the same brainwavelength or whatever."
Smart kids at universities represent a bastion of hope for Americans who are sick and tired of fascists forcing them to vote however they like, express their religious views, and raise families in safe neighborhoods.
"I hope to someday use my degree in Trans-Inclusive Marxist Decolonization to spread the wisdom of this Bin Laden guy and bring real peace to the world," Burgundy said while gifting Bin Laden posters to her co-workers at Starbucks.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
