U.S. — Just days after news leaked that President Joe Biden was quietly selling unused border wall construction materials via online auction, presumably as a gesture of defiance against incoming President Donald Trump, a mysterious user named "OrangeMan47" swooped in to purchase every listing.
Evidence indicated OrangeMan47 was a new account on GovPlanet, the online auction house used by the Biden administration. The account has zero user feedback and an incomplete profile, but President Biden was unconcerned. "Money is money," the president said. "Whether it comes from someone in the United States... or Ukraine... or China... or... or... wherever. I'm happy to take money from... from... the places. Listen, folks, we just want to unload this wall stuff before that other guy takes power. We've got to keep it away from him."
The construction materials auctioned off included large steel bollards and bags of concrete, with various lots being auctioned off in separate sales with bidding starting at just $5. Now, OrangeMan47 has purchased it all at a significant discount.
A review of the sale from OrangeMan47 read:
These are bargain bin prices. Can be used to build a big, beautiful wall. Would buy from again! A++++ MAGA!
Administration officials admitted they were not aware of the buyer's identity. "It doesn't matter who buys it, really," said one White House source. "As long as it's all been sold off before Trump takes office, we'll be good. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out all his precious border wall materials are gone."
At publishing time, OrangeMan47 had reportedly requested to be allowed to pay for the auction with limited edition Trump collectible NFT trading cards.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
