CAMBRIDGE, MA — A local university student expressed her own tremendous virtue by proudly announcing she would never have gone along with the rise of the Nazi party in Germany as she walked across campus to attend a "Kill the Jews" rally taking place on the Quad.
"Oh yeah, I would have nipped all that Hitler stuff in the bud," said Harvard junior Dianna Stephens. "I'm telling you, if I was in Germany back then, I would have never participated in the horrific things the Nazis were doing. Now, which way to the rally where we're cheering for the entire nation of Israel to be pushed into the sea?"
Stephens was joined by a number of her fellow students who all agreed that none of them would have allowed the evil Nazi ideology to spread in the years prior to World War II. "What the Nazis did was really awful," said sophomore Allison Davis. "Singling out one ethnic group, blaming them for all the ills of the world, rounding them up, and systematically slaughtering them? How hideous! I could never be a part of that. That's why today I'm standing with those who want to wipe the Jews off the face of the earth if it's the last thing they ever do."
At publishing time, the group of students had promised their generation would never allow the world to be plunged into something like WWII ever again. "It's up to our generation to keep humanity from repeating the same mistakes of the past," Stephens said. "Now where were we? Oh yeah--from the river to the sea! From the river to the sea!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
