BURBANK, CA — As concerned shareholders sought answers, Disney CEO Bob Iger insisted the company's stock drop was not caused by the failure of the studio's latest movie Gay Black Pinocchio Protests for Palestine.
Despite the film's troubled production and poor word-of-mouth buzz due to an overwhelming majority of the viewing audience not being interested in seeing a film titled Gay Black Pinocchio Protests for Palestine, Disney leaders remained certain that it was not in any way to blame for the precipitous plunge of the company's stock value.
"Don't be ridiculous," said Disney CEO Bob Iger. "The fact that we're hemorrhaging money, customers, and stock value has absolutely nothing to do with any perceived unpopularity of our newest film about a flamboyantly gay, race-swapped Pinocchio standing up for the people of Gaza. This movie appeals to everyone."
Though industry insiders praised the film's premise for its bold representation of minority puppets that live alternative lifestyles and possess a strong desire to stand up for oppressed peoples, moviegoers were not enthusiastic. "Can't we just make fun movies anymore?" asked movie buff Jack Roberts. "Does everything have to have some social agenda now? Did we really need a gay puppet sex scene? I'll pass."
While the movie was a financial disaster, Disney executives vowed to not change anything they're doing in any way whatsoever. "The stock value will improve," Iger said. "Just wait until audiences get a look at our next project, Gay Black Lion King Protests for Changes To Title IX."
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