In what can only be described as a stunning surprise, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez freshly minted Representative for New York’s 14th District made history today when she reinvented the wheel. In a brief speech outside her office in Washington D.C., Ocasio-Cortez unveiled her polished masterpiece—a round, smoothly spinning device guaranteed to revolutionize transportation.

The stunned nation watched in collective awe as Ocasio-Cortez detailed the several years of work that went into perfecting the new invention, from the hundreds of prototypes she and her team of engineers had built to the countless nights she had spent fine-tuning the design. As if that weren’t enough, Ocasio-Cortez then announced her next invention: she’s planning to solve world hunger by building a giant ramp that can fire food over a vast distance. “This will make sure everyone is fed, and everyone will achieve a