PADUCAH, KY — Local couple Matt and Emily Childs continued their long-running search today for a church where no one will ever use the phrase "love on you."
The couple briefly thought they had found a new church home last week, only for the associate pastor to close the service by encouraging people to join small groups so "we can love on you" and "do life with you."
"Nope. I'm out," sighed Childs, heading for the exit. "I'm not asking for much. I just need one church service where no one threatens to 'love on me' or 'do life together.' I don't know what any of that means, and at this point, I'm too afraid to ask."
Childs' wife Emily concurred heartily, stating she strongly preferred for small group couples to do no "loving on" each other. "Does it mean, like, being swingers? I'm just not going there," said Emily. "We visited an evangelical church a few weeks ago where they must have said a dozen times that men's groups were designed to foster 'loving' on each other. Ah... no."
At publishing time, the Childs family had excitedly made it through a service without hearing the dreaded phrase, only for the pastor to meet with them and tell them he'd like to "come alongside" them.
Meet Andy, a completely blind umpire whose life is about to change radically.
