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Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air - Article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 44
Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air

CHICAGO, IL - A fifth-grade teacher at Lincoln Elementary reportedly admonished her classroom on Thursday, asking the kids to please raise their hands...

Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans - Article image
Sports · Sep 4, 2026 · 38
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and w...

Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 43
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity - Featured article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 55

U.S. - The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.

Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Article image
Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 45
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over

JUDEA - In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy tim...

Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 45
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over

Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Featured article image
JUDEA - In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy tim...
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 43
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...

Subscriber Headlines

“Life Is Too Hard” States Man Deciding Which Of His 30 Pairs Of Sneakers To Wear

Aug 27, 2026 | LilSebastian


'Grand Theft Auto' Maker Rockstar Games Sues California For Stealing Their Idea Of Open-World Crime And Chaos

Aug 28, 2026 | TwoDegreesOff


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Aug 24, 2026 | Jesus defeated death so you can live

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Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film - Article image
Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film
Entertainment · Sep 4, 2026 · 44
Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism - Article image
Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism
Media · Sep 4, 2026 · 45
Adventurous Connoisseur Samples The Exotic Delicacies Of The Far East At Local Chinese Buffet - Article image
Adventurous Connoisseur Samples The Exotic Delicacies Of The Far East At Local Chinese Buffet
Culture · Sep 3, 2026 · 86
Pete Hegseth Sets Up 'Help Us Buy Missiles' Lemonade Stand - Article image
Pete Hegseth Sets Up 'Help Us Buy Missiles' Lemonade Stand
U.S. · Sep 3, 2026 · 46
Progressive Church To Allow Mail-In Attendance - Article image
Progressive Church To Allow Mail-In Attendance
Church · Sep 3, 2026 · 69
Sauron Insists He Only Tried To Enslave All Of Middle-Earth Because He Was Suffering From Postpartum Depression - Article image
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The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang - Article image
The Bee Explains · Sep 2, 2026 · 189
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang

Connecting with the older folk can be a challenge, especially when you have a hard time understanding what they're saying. But don't worry, if you put...
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian - Article image
Sports · Sep 3, 2026 · 85
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian

JUPITER, FL - A Florida court suspended golf legend Tiger Woods' driver's license for five years after an investigation determined that he is half-Asi...
Sad: Kathy Hochul Tries To Warn People Republicans Will Take Away Women's Rights, But Her Mouth Is Covered By Hijab - Article image
Politics · Sep 3, 2026 · 60
Sad: Kathy Hochul Tries To Warn People Republicans Will Take Away Women's Rights, But Her Mouth Is Covered By Hijab

NEW YORK, NY - Governor Kathy Hochul desperately tried to warn New Yorkers that Republicans were taking away women's rights, but no one in the room co...
Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her - Article image
Celebs · Sep 3, 2026 · 68
Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her

HELL - Feminist icon Gloria Steinem refused to allow Satan to hold the door open for her on the way into hell, in what many are calling her final act ...

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Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam - Article image
Education · Sep 1, 2026 · 77
Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam

MEDINA, OH - In a terribly unlucky break, local sixth-grader Mackenzie Warner completely flunked her geography test after President Trump renamed ever...
Satan Wondering If He Went Too Far With Feminism - Article image
Worldviews · Sep 1, 2026 · 75
Satan Wondering If He Went Too Far With Feminism

HELL - The Prince of Darkness admitted he may have made a big mistake, as Satan reportedly wondered if he had gone too far when he orchestrated the mo...
Lindsay Clancy Surges To Commanding Lead As 2028 Democrat Front-Runner - Article image
Politics · Sep 1, 2026 · 70
Lindsay Clancy Surges To Commanding Lead As 2028 Democrat Front-Runner

U.S. - New poll numbers released this week showed Lindsay Clancy surging into the frontrunner position in the race to become the 2028 Democratic presi...
Toddler Puts Self Up For Adoption After Seeing Mom Scrolling Lindsay Clancy TikTok - Article image
U.S. · Sep 2, 2026 · 64
Toddler Puts Self Up For Adoption After Seeing Mom Scrolling Lindsay Clancy TikTok

DANBURY, CT - According to sources, a toddler has reportedly put herself up for adoption after witnessing her mother scrolling through Lindsay Clancy ...

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Child Who Dreamt Of Being NFL Referee Gets Devastating News That He Was Born With 20/20 Vision - Article image
Sports · Jan 17, 2024 · 96
Child Who Dreamt Of Being NFL Referee Gets Devastating News That He Was Born With 20/20 Vision

PIERRE, SD - According to reports, young Martin Durfling had his dream of being an NFL referee completely crushed after learning he was born with a ge...
The Babylon Bee Presents: 9 Rules Of Gun Safety - Article image
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Sponsored · May 11, 2022 · 148
Efficiency: New DHS Secretary Kristi Noem Pledges To Cut K-9 Workforce By 90% - Article image
Efficiency: New DHS Secretary Kristi Noem Pledges To Cut K-9 Workforce By 90%
U.S. · Nov 13, 2024 · 69
Trump Signs Executive Order Mandating The Only Artist Who Can Perform The Super Bowl Halftime Show Is Creed - Article image
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Nation's Actual Satan Worshipers Thankful That Harry Potter Been Taking The Heat Off Them For A While - Article image
Nation's Actual Satan Worshipers Thankful That Harry Potter Been Taking The Heat Off Them For A While
Christian Living · Jan 9, 2019 · 13
Pope Gently Tells Michelangelo He Really Wanted Ceiling To Be More Of A Neutral Gray - Article image
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Church · Jun 28, 2026 · 59
Besties! AOC And New Fiancé Go On Double Date With Ilhan Omar And Her Brother - Article image
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Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project - Article image
Premium · Aug 31, 2026 · 71
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project

Salutations, intrepid subscribers!
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed - Article image
Premium · Aug 27, 2026 · 76
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed

The Bee editors have waded forth through the seas of satire and are prepared to announce the headline challenge winner. Congratulations to @dontslowth...
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines - Article image
Premium · Aug 24, 2026 · 106
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines

Amid the departure of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, Trump wanted to share some recent headlines that he really enjoyed. Can you write ...
Okay, Subscribers: What Sort Of Premium Content Would You Like To See? - Article image
Premium · Aug 18, 2026 · 142
Okay, Subscribers: What Sort Of Premium Content Would You Like To See?

A good morning to you all, our fearless band of intrepid subscribers!

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