This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/8/2021.
In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week’s biggest stories like Biden’s new mask womandate, totally healthy dead Cosmopolitan cover girls, and The Babylon Bee’s new 100% effective marriage proposal service. The always prophetic Bee writers have made predictions for 2021, there’s weird news, and ever-glorious hate mail.
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Stuff That’s Good
Kyle likes coffee. He ranks his methods of coffee prep.
Ethan likes BroForce.
UPDATE ON JETPACK MAN: Los Angeles pilot finally captures elusive 'jetpack man' on video
Story 1: 10 Tips for Proposing to Your Girlfriend: A Love Story!
Summary: Spring is almost here. We think. We’re not really sure since we’ve all been locked inside our homes since last spring. Anyway, now is the time when Ring Before Spring takes over all the Bible colleges and young men start proposing left and right. Some of our readers might be wondering: how should I propose to my girlfriend? We asked love experts like Gary Chapman, our youth pastor, and Joshua Harris, and compiled these ten tips for proposing to your woman.
Real Story: Top ten list in the link. The main thing was to keep number 9 and 10 in there for Jackson Baker to propose to his girlfriend, Kelsey. One of the pictures he sent is below:
Summary: In light of recent events, Biden has updated his COVID plan to include not just a mask mandate, but a mask womandate as well. In a prepared statement given to his nurse and posted on Twitter, the completely legitimate and unquestioned president-elect apologized for the sexist language in his plan.
Real story: Hilarity ensued when House Democrats opened up the 117th session of congress with an opening prayer from Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, D-Missouri, minister at the St. James United Methodist Church, a prayer made in the name of “the monotheistic god, Brahma, and god known by many names by many different faiths,” which ended with AMEN and A-WOMAN.
Amen is not gendered. It is from Hebrew and means It means “it is so” or “so it be.” Amen is derived from the Hebrew āmēn, which means “certainty,” “truth,” and “verily.”
Other ways on which Rep. Cleaver has updated his speech.
Summary: Yass, slay, queens -- dead queens, that is! Cosmopolitan Magazine is promoting body positivity with the first-ever series of corpse cover models.
The issues feature interviews with and profiles on a dozen dead girls who show how they too can be healthy despite being completely dead.
Real story: Cosmopolitan Magazine is featuring on its cover very overweight women as the picture of health with the main story being ‘11 women on why wellness doesn’t have to be one-size-fits-all.”
Topic of the Week: The Babylon Bee’s 2021 Prophecies!
Bryan says we’ve become too political.
Mailbag from Drew that puts Ethan right to sleep
Bonus Hate Mail
Cool Story From Becky