KYIV — After it was revealed that an accounting error inadvertently sent another $6.2 billion to Ukraine, President Zelensky admitted he has already spent all the money from the accounting error as well as the money from the next three accounting errors.
"I need the U.S. to please produce more accounting errors quickly," said Zelensky. "We are out of money again, and we will need these to kill Russians and pay off the mortgage on my island resort. Democracy and freedom depend on it."
Sources in the Pentagon confirmed that the $6.2 billion error was "totally an accident" and that the money is already spent and completely untraceable. In an official statement, a Pentagon spokesperson said: "Woopsie! I guess these things just happen. No one will be held accountable. Have a nice day."
At publishing time, Hunter Biden had contacted officials in the Ukrainian government promising another accounting error from "The Big Guy" next week.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
