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Young Earth Creationist Parents Force Child To Play With Human Action Figures, Dinosaurs At Same Time

PALM BEACH, FL—While 5-year-old Liam Reinhart was playing in his backyard Thursday afternoon, his young-earth creationist parents were troubled to see that he had separated his dinosaur toys from his human action figures.

The Reinharts quickly corrected his behavior, making sure that dinosaurs and humans always coexisted together in the boys’ imaginary worlds and scenarios.

“Hey bud, let’s go ahead and have Iron Man ride on top of this brontosaurus, ok sport?” Mr. Reinhart said, bringing the two figures together. “And why is Rey all the way over here where she can’t even see the T-Rex? Let’s have Rey and Finn and the rest of the gang capture these dinosaurs, tame them, and use them to do hard manual labor, just like in the real antediluvian world.”

“See, we can have your Ankylosaurus act as a kind of public transportation for these Playmobil dudes,” he added.

When the boy protested that dinosaurs and humans lived millions of years apart, Mr. and Mrs. Reinhart gasped in horror. “Where did you hear that? Was it Nye? Tyson? Tell us at once, young man.” The boy admitted he had learned the old-earth timeline from an episode of The Magic School Bus, prompting the parents to cut off their Netflix account and sign up for a Pure Flix account instead.

“We’re not mad, son,” his mother assured him. “Just make sure when you play pretend with your dinos that they’re living in harmony with people, like it says in the Bible.