WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the sudden resignation of California Representative Eric Swalwell over sexual assault charges, analysts speculated that there were now just 534 perverts remaining in the United States Congress.
According to political experts, there are typically 535 perverts in Congress at any given time, with 435 perverts in the House, and 100 perverts in the Senate. However, the temporary vacancy left by Swalwell's departure has left Congress with the unusual number of 534 total perverts.
"This is not as many pervs as we're used to around here," said Congressional aide Tracy Johnson. "Usually, every office I walk by houses a debased pervert, but now there's this one empty office where a dangerous pervert used to be. It's just not the same."
California Governor Gavin Newsom vowed to find a pervert to fill Swalwell's seat as soon as possible. "We've narrowed our search down to a few really sick, twisted pervs," said Newsom. "We aren't going to rush, as we want to make sure we have the right pervert in place. At the same time, the people of California deserve to have a quick election so that they are not left without a criminal degenerate representing their interests."
At publishing time, the departure of Texas Representative Tony Gonzales had brought the number of perverts down to the unprecedentedly low total of 533.
Steve and Timpani's continued adjustment to all things Texas hits a speed bump when Timpani's sister, Brittuni, arrives.
