U.S. — People around the world celebrated the establishment of a new supreme leader, as President Donald Trump was confirmed to now rule the entire world after the United States Supreme Court declared everyone on Earth to be American.
Following the court's declaration that all people are Americans, the White House reportedly launched plans for a grand ceremony to observe Trump's coronation as ruler of all mankind, followed by a global tour to present himself to his billions of subjects. Trump offered effusive praise for the ruling.
"I am happy to now be Supreme Ruler of Mankind," Trump told reporters in the Oval Office. "This is the job I should have had since day one, to be honest, but we couldn't do it legally until the Supreme Court declared everyone an American. It's the biggest ruling ever made by any court, by far. That's what they're saying. If everyone on Earth is an American now, and I'm the president of America, then I am officially the president of the world."
Though critics challenged the ruling, citing the danger posed by one man ruling the entire planet, Trump remained eager to take on the new role. "I'm the only one who could pull this off, believe me," he continued. "We're going to do a great job for everyone. It's going to be a new golden age for every person in the world, and we're going to win so much you won't even believe it. Buckle up, citizens of Earth, because we're going to Make Earth Great Again!"
At publishing time, actress Rosie O'Donnell had announced that she would be fleeing Earth and moving to Mars.
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